Facebook Updates you’re somewhat less likely to Read
Patty was just unfriended for the third time this month. Why God why?
Alejandra thinks her boyfriend’s sexual technique needs some updating
Carlos work Rogaine! Work!
Natasha feels like she should have never left her husband
Cynthia forgot to take her birth control pill last night…on purpose.
Ilya wishes Bush were still President
Deirdre is just about ready to cash in her 401K for that mini face lift. Tax penalties be damned.
Roman is talking to the little people in his head, and it’s nice to connect for once.
Add comment March 13, 2009 datingdish
Internet Point Me the Way!
I sometimes (gasp) question the utility of the internet, also known as the “interneta” when one is meandering through Europe desperate to touch base with friends and associates. As of late my efforts to answer life’s grand questions falls flat, especially when desperately in search of answers. Ironically also when seeking medical advice, the answers are there, but always worst case scenario!
The most recent efforts, as in “getting over an ex” revealed many pages about how to “win the ex back” usually redolent with fatal grammar and spelling errors. My search for “reinvigorating your career as a graphic designer” plopped me in front of lots of “motion design” URLs quoting smug inspired designers. And yet when the urgency isn’t there, I find the exact page and bit of information desired. Is there something to the aphorism of “it’ll happen when you’re not looking for it” that applies to internet searches? p.s. ever use that bit of wisdom on me and look to get smacked. Even with mapping, occasionally disaster falls. I looked up an address in the suburbs and found the streets mislabeled. Tragedy, travesty, and where do we turn? God forbid, our doctors, therapists, our own internal compass? As much as I want to know when Jennifer Aniston has last visited “Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf” on Cayuhanga Blvd. I have more urgent informational needs from the internet, such as the Meaning of Life.
Add comment March 12, 2009 datingdish
Help me Shlomo! an advice column
This month we’re featuring a guest contributor. He prefers to subsist under the radar, but he has a way with the words and with the advice. So now…heeeeeere’s Shlomo!
Weight and Mate Watching
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Shlom–, er, Lucky
Add comment March 6, 2009 datingdish
A little riff on Wendy Wasserstein
Wendy Wasserstein, ever read her? Heidi Chronicles, Shiksa Goddess, An American Daughter? What do you think, come on, let’s sit and talk about her. And I don’t mean in the “coffee tawk” sense, chock full of yiddishkeit tacky irony. I mean let’s really think, and speak. There’s a good table over there in the corner, it’s not too drafty, and the playa with the loud ipod seems to be leaving. Phew, good. Ew, there’s a coffee stain there, oh good, let’s wipe it up.
Me: What have you read of hers?
Me2: Not a lot, her book of essays, Shiksa goddess, Heidi Chronicles, I keep meaning to read more.
Me: What interests you so about her?
Me2: She’s incredibly brilliant and yet verging on anachronistic. She has these beautiful way of crafting a detail or a thought, soulful and true. For example when she writes about writing itself, she described how she would take herself on writing vacations in Ann Arbor and London and Boston. Her descriptions of the hotels and waitstaff at each restaurant was so vivid, I felt like I was eating her broiled fish with her. Hmmm…I’m hungry. Also she was fiercely independent, she never married, chose to have a baby on her own, and had an arguably tragic life, as she died at 55 from lymphoma, leaving her daughter a orphan.
Me: What irritates you about her?
Me2: Well, the thing that jumps out at me are twofold: one is her Cathy comic sensibility. She writes ad nauseum in her book “Shiksa Goddess” about her struggles with weight, calorie counting, and other women’s thinner figures. The p.o.v. just seems so 80s! In addition, she was exceedingly private about her love life, a conspicuous dearth, since the plot points of her plays focus on male female relationships. Third is that she really did live a life of incredible privilege, an artist’s life in what I’m guessing was a pretty comfortable lifestyle. I’m pleased to see an artist succeed financially, but I’m wondering if she was mildly oblivious to her own material success.
Me: I sense you identify with her
Me2: What are you my therapist? At least write up the invoice for insurance return. Yes and no. I’m probably more physically confident, but also less successful materially and careerwise. I don’t identify as an intellectual nerd or wallflower. I must say I find her to be an enigma, because she was very determined to follow her own path but has this veneer of being self effacing.
Me: Well said!
Me2: Ok thanks. Now let’s integrate, this is getting weird.
me and me2: OK.
Add comment March 6, 2009 datingdish
You’re always a Woman (’s magazine) to me
Lately I’ve become one of those women who shuns fashion magazines. I never found myself that humorless in the past, and felt comfortable enough with my weight/body image to read them and not feel outclassed. But lately I’ve found them so depressing and repetitive, and I feel a need to review their various offerings and modalities, if anything as a WARNING.
Glamour/Marie Claire-This one, even back in the day of buying the mags, was one I shunned. Their target/idealized girl is 28, in a steady long term relationship, in entry level to middling corporate track. She has two best friends, Ashley and Stace, and she goes out with them on Friday nights and stays with the boy (Eric? Matt? Bjorn?) on Saturday nights from 8pm dinner to 5pm goodbye. If you are not one of these girls in any way, i.e. perhaps you have more male friends than female, are left handed or don’t enjoy sushi, they will not REPRESENT. They also add little gems, such as “your fertility isn’t forever girl!” and “horror stories from the dating front lines”-little niblets to let you know that if you haven’t attained all of the idealized variations achieved by their target buyer, you should be up at night, in a cold sweat, because you will be alone 4-EVA.
Allure-This one I secretly enjoy. It leapfrogs over the notions that your social life should match a certain fascist premise. It goes right for the jugular, it says, “you’re terrified of aging and being unattractive! We have the solution! Ahora mismo!” They gleefully give you the latest updates on hair styling and makeup techniques, injectable doohickies, plastic surgery bells and whistles, and the occasional soulful article, such as “My big sister was more beautiful than me” or “How perfume changed my life.” While my tone may sound mocking, they actually have seasoned contributors who know how to turn a pathetically shallow idea into something of substance. And they do not remotely pretend to be deep, In fact, the magazine is refreshingly retro, with no tricky “current feminist events’ articles as decoys.
More-this is the one I love to hate. They claim ageist liberation,as in , “Grrrr…. sexy cougar Lady, you’ve still got it going on! Just don’t wear elastic waistbands or anything above the midthigh region. Not too much skin girlfriend!” Their fear of the aging process is so pronounced, they shirk in fear at the bold act of wearing Chanel’s Vamp nailcolor or showing a little shoulder action. Their mind numbing catalogue of skin care regimens requires the short term memory of a Starbucks barista and the bank account of a former Merrill Lynch exec enjoying a plush bailout package. And their showcase of the Hag of the Month “Look at what 45 (or 50 or 86) looks like now!” is somehow, hmmm…an insult to women in that age group. Yes we get it, older woman can be attractive, what a notion. And yet why do they sound so surprised?
So what IS recommended junk food reading? Well it depends on your state of mind. If your sense of irony is developed to potent levels, I’d say US or Allure, again those magazines enter you into the fun house proportions of pure Celebrity Gazing or Appearance Obsession. While the testament to uber benefactor Oprah has the comically self aggrandizing new age advice, it does at least showcase some real life situations, i.e. financial and interpersonal. Or it attempts to. But whatever you do, don’t read anything without a sense of humor. Or pictures.
1 comment February 12, 2009 datingdish
Dog Date Afternoon?
To doggonit or not on a date is an interesting question. Depending on the behavior of one’s dog, the squiring of one’s dog on a date is a pretty undesirable action. Would you bring a slightly desultory newborn on a date? Didn’t think so.
Compound trying to find a restaurant in Chicago that allows for dogs, and the stressometer registers code rouge. One time I brought my (now passed on) dog Jackie (not Jaquée of 227 fame) on a date and the occasion suffered. She had prolonged curiousity for a nutty buddy wrapper on the street and my extended efforts to hold on to her leash wore down the skin on my hand. Plus the guy in question was a short red head jackass. Not a pretty combination and a second date was not forthcoming.
I say dogs are great to suss out dates, but only if you are lucky enough to find a friendly nonyuppie at the dog park. And that I tell you, would be a newsworthy occasion.
Good places to take Max the Charming Kashmoodle Mix on a date:
1. Wilson Dog Beach
2. Jerry’s Sandwiches on Division (mediocre food though, be warned and only during the summer months. )
3. Mac’s on Division (disclaimer for all restaurants, dog must be Xanaxed to point of stupefication)
4. Not in one’s way during romantic physical expressions (saying hi is less acceptable these days)
5. A trip to Petco on that 4th date
Links:
1 comment December 7, 2007 datingdish
Men: what to wear on a first date
This page gets a lot of traffic, so it’s due for some nice revisions.
Assessing what to wear on a first date for either gender is tricky. One wants to look their best, but not as if they strategized to look their best. Here are a few shortcuts to achieving that physical comfort zone so you can careen headfirst into the emotional discomfort zone known as dating.
First off, some of the physical basics women look for:
Dry palms, although a slightly sweaty palm can be slightly flattering.
Decent breath, but not amazingly good. A burst of mint can be nice, especially when it comes from your dental hygienist’s mouth, but it seems overly coached from a date. Neutral is just fine, but not meaty, k?
A level C douchebag shirt (see last post) Avoid level B and DEFINITELY no level A.
Eye contact-with warmth if possible. An evasive glance can be unsettling, and direct eye contact is usually quite sexy. Obviously the old Clint Eastwood steely glare, we all know isn’t so comforting, but that’s a given right?
And now on to the clothing portion of our evening:
Women love jeans midrange in price, but not GAP, please not Gap jeans. I’ve never seen anyone’s tush look really good in them. Also please avoid super high luxe brands because women will think you’re vain. Also consider opting for cords (women love them,
They think of rubbing their hands on your legs, even if it’s subconscious)
Some guys can pull off quirky touches, such as wearing a cardigan. Only a rare breed can win this look, but occasionally a guy will look truly individualistic, in the spirit of one of the characters in Whit Stillman’s Metropolitan movie.
If you’re in an urban area, at least consider a vintage shirt. Those express your individuality, just make sure the smell is A OK. Those button down Cuban numbers are adorable on most guys, and you’re sure to have no one copying your exact look.
Hipster shoes that are NOT chunky (women think you’re trying to add height if you wear those). Think of those bowling, faux vintage shoes…
To cologne or not to cologne? That is ze question. I personally love the subtle smell of cologne or after shave. Subtle being the operative word. Listen this isn’t a job interview, you don’t have to be that neutral. That said, some guys like to express ultra casz attitude in the first date or don’t like a strong smell. I say just go for it, green, crisp and subtle. Yum.
Your wallet (and ALWAYS refuse the woman’s offer to pay, but please, stay
within your financial means! It’s ok to go to a casual place, datingdish
will find you affordable options, I promise!)
Add comment November 28, 2007 datingdish
What is a douchebag shirt?*(asked by Maria, NYC)
A shirt’s douchebagerie level has three classifications. Akin to the Bush administration’s security codes, here at datingdish we have opted for the simple alphabetical approach.
Level a (Emergency-total fashion clone)=diagonal, untucked, with premium jeans. Sometimes offering an embroidered print. Wearer often sports hair hardened by styling products, probably wore Drakkar Noir until freshman year in college.
Level b (confused, but not sexually)
not diagonal striped, perhaps a solid color, oftentimes with
a sheen and a slight butterfly color. A man who sports this shirt is oftentimes confused about footwear, might opt for cords or Gap (wrong) jeans with this.
Level c-(code green, we can breath easy and declassify you
as a clone) offering western details, maybe a plaid of floral.
You’re not afraid to be a bit flamboyant, but the colors are
leaning towards neutral. You listen to true alternative music, don’t care for techno, but think goth punks are trite. You might already be in a creative profession and will opt for the zipped up sweatshirt and chunky shoes.Once in a blue moon (incidentally, probably your second favorite beer) we’ll find you in a ribbed turtleneck in shades of rust.
*referring to the first posting about “Vintage” wine bar
5 comments November 28, 2007 datingdish
Cleo’s-a low commitment occasion
1935 W. Chicago Avenue
(312) 243-5600
Cleo’s is the bar you pick when you don’t care too deeply about first impressions. When I think of the bar (with grilled food, more on that later) the dim lighting comes to mind. Not dim in a defrocked Ricardo Montalban type of way, but in a “a bunch of wet kindergartenders on a field trip just sullied our tile floors” kind of way. When one walks by from the south there is always a jetblack maned underfed youngster (grandma!) acting as de facto greeter, perched on his seat, blowing smoke within a 15 degree radius of my sad self. The bouncer, usually a mere 20 lbs. heavier than myself usually seems grateful for the additional company.
Lighting, as we all know, is key, and Cleo’s scores several datingdish points (tada!) by stringing little red lanterns in the front room. If you can squeeze in a seat among the 30 and 40 something hipsters and other somewhat questionable types you have scored. Otherwise you are relegated to the Siberia of the back room, which has the dull warm flourescence that makes you question your eyesight. In addition the Olde Chicago favourite, the sports monitors/monsters become a hindrance to that first, second or frankly any date. I had to compete with my date who had roving eyes there, not for the dishy waitress, but for ESPN2 tennis.
The drinks are relatively affordable, though I remember the at best average wine costing a bit more (was it $7?) which I think is ridiculous considering the ambiance and House vintage. The service, usually in faux vintage t-shirts, is palatably friendly but again, curiously absent at that moment you’re desperate to pay and get away from that awkward date, which would be an unremarkable experience at Cleo’s.
The summer provides better opportunities for dating there, because the beer garden is open and there is a more expansive provision of saxy lighting. Unfortunately one is forced to sit on that awful metal chair that leaves a diamond pattern on one’s tush. Additionally I had the experience there with my dear friend L (not a date but who cares) of having to GET UP and get my own water from the near empty cooler. And pay for table service on top of that. Quite the offense. Though I shy away from food reviews, Cleo’s is NOT a place to dig into anythng healthy or colored anything other than brown. It’s fine if you want the conventional bar food trappings, but even in that case, it’s just OK.
In summary, Cleo’s is ideal for the after party party with that date you already know somewhat, when you’ve been swanked out by the loungy, throttling beats of the clubs with low furniture. (Why is it clubs now have such low furniture? Seems like a liability, even without imbibing martinis ) The relatively lower price point will come as a relief, the softer music will soothe your tinnitis strained ears, and the nonambiance will neither intimidate nor enthrall you.
In other words, it’s just ok, but awful if in the back room.
Add comment November 28, 2007 datingdish
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